Jan. 2nd, 2011 @ 01:27 pm (no subject)
I haven't updated anything in so long, it's actually dragging me down. Well, I should say it's dragged me down. I had no idea how isolated I actually was until I started doing things here at home. And how odd it might be for me to actually have two real life friends in real life who live near me and will have coffee with me and everything!

But then, as I usually do, I went to extremes, and closed off one world for another.

I can't do that. It's unhealthy in general, and especially for me. I'm so easily swayed against one side or another, and distracted by some other kind of life that I lose myself into things. No, that might not make a whole lot of sense, but consider this: even while on my meds, I can never "not" be bipolar, and I'm always, ALWAYS afraid that people don't like me.

It's almost like I accept that nobody likes me, and then when people do, it's like the greatest gift in the world. Not a conscious thing, mind you! I don't want to be like this, it's a condition I have no control over!

I want to draw again and have it feel good. I want to write again and feel like it's making a difference. I'd also like to have internet friends and fans again.

And I understand that I've lost almost all of them in my hiatus. But I'm willing to start from scratch again. I can do it.

This post is the beginning. I'm going to a movie with family this afternoon, and then tonight, I'm going to draw something again. And if I can get my scanner working, I'll scan it and share it. ^_^

and then go look for communities to post in.

Wish me luck.
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